i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
