Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
