Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You took a bar mat shot.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
