I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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