last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
