I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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