I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.