Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think your dad took our porno
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize