Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.