Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
