Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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