a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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