I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
