No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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