i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
