Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize