I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
