you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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