that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we made out on top of his cat.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
