Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
