Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He shit in the fireplace
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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