is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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