I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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