Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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