where am i from again
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
