ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
