I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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