Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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