Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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