'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
