this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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