How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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