Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
