it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
