We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
