I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
