Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
