i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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