someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
