she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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