i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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