Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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