I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
