How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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