I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
