She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
