I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
