Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
