Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
