If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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