Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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