I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
