Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
