don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
worst night to have a conscience
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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