I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
