Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
