This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
