im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
