I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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