Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
