I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
