I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it glows. i had to have it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
