Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize
