The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
