evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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